If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
