Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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