IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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