She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
