btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
