Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
