Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
