I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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