The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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