I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
