O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
