i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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