It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
