There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I accidentally burped into my bong.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
