She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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