Little spoons don't ask big questions
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
