I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
