I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
