Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
