I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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