the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
