Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
