Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
