I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
