it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
