I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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