You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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