I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm always down for nudity.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
