I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
