Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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