Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
