Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
