fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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