Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
