my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
