Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
