dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
