i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
