i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
