definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
