I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
