I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
