why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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