I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
