Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
