if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
