Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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