you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
