My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
