Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
